This is my
synopsis of mommyhood today.
Then why do
I feel utterly exhausted, spent, weary, fragile, empty?
Last night
will probably go down in history as one of the most sleepless, most difficult
nights of my life…and yet, I survived.
Morning dawned and I was still breathing. In spite of only two uninterrupted hours of
sleep. I managed to stumble out of bed
and make a cup of strong, strong Brazilian coffee. Thank God for coffee.
Sister
vomited, complete with diarrhea, all night long. The first round covered my purse, his backpack
and our bedroom floor with nauseatingly smelly stomach contents. We both almost lost it ourselves just
cleaning!
Little Brother
continues to have major sleep issues at night.
Teeth were getting the brunt of the blame but after a month???
Mommy has
had a horrific headache for two days that even the most trustiest of meds haven’t
touched. I am so tired I cried when I
met our school van driver at 7:30am and told them Chloe wasn’t going to school
and have a wonderful Christmas and New Years!
For pete’s sake.
What do YOU
do when everytime you turn around your 14 month old is into something messy or
terrifically dangerous? I clean up the fine
film of flour covering the kitchen and find him on top of the table. I wash him after finding him playing in the
toilet the 4 year old did not flush (nor close the bathroom …again!) to find
him throwing himself off the couch. I
finish loving on him after yet another fall and 2 minutes later he is playing
with computer cords and sucking on the phone charger (a child recently died
here Brazil after sucking on the charging end of a phone charger while plugged
in). It is common to find freshly folded
piles of laundry I thought I placed far enough out of reach on the table
covering the filthy floor.
And while
this all happens in the span of a few moments, sister is constantly calling me
for one thing or another. I love the
name “mommy” but after the 50th time in the span of a half hour, I
truly consider changing my name
because.I.might.go.crazy.if.she.calls.mommy.one.more.time.
Add four
weddings in 8 days, two of which he and I are attendants in (think appointments
for clothes, hair, nails, the works!), continued physical therapy for sister
and yes, another round of bug treatments.
And I wonder if this mommy (and the kids and husband) will make it to
the New Year!
I just read
a beautifully written blog post by a dear friend of mine and she summed it all
up so nicely. And really, it was so
encouraging to me. A good reminder to
keep my priorities straight. But today I
don’t even have the energy to sum it all up or add anything profound to answer
my own questions.
I don’t have any answers.
Today is survival.
Tomorrow will be better. It always is.
But today…well, today is not for the faint of heart. So, I guess I will be encouraged the I am not
of the faint of heart!
Love,
Jama
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